This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
