Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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