Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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