Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
