I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
