im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
