Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
