How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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