Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
