U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
