She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This is not my ceiling
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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