none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
