Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
