you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im six kinds of drunk right now
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Randomize
