Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So many bounce houses so little time
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
