the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
