i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
