What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
