I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
