Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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