I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
