i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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