I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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