Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
