Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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