Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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