I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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