shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
