she was so not down for the gang bang
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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