i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
