No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
