I'm so fucking centered right now
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
