Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
