I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
