sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
