i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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