Do you still have your period?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
