plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
