my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
