How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
