dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
