is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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