Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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