whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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