she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
should my penis look like a turkey
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
