I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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