We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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