he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
