I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
