His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
