Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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