why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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